i should have

i should have gotten a salad and been done with it but something awful in me led me to a place that had the word “EXPRESS” on their signage and i’m just glad it wasn’t of the “panda” variety.  i think i know better these days.

or maybe i don’t because somewhere called thai express isn’t much different.

this is my punishment for craving noodles.

all i can think about today is swimming.  ever since last week’s class all i can think about is getting back in the water.  new non-douchey goggles arrived today (original pair had mirrored lenses that i couldn’t bear to wear) and i wished i had my swimsuit with me but it’s at home so swimming will wait for tomorrow morning.

there is a crazy person outside my balcony singing at the top of his lungs “I WAAANNNAAA KNOOOOOWW…”

at times it sounds like the beatles ‘i wanna hold your hand’ but the words are all over the place.

work has been slow going today. i’m moving slower than normal which inevitably means i will be behind for the entire week unless i plan to seriously kick ass the next 4 days but it’s spring and a different kinda life is calling me.

park day was a success and i was thrown back to this time last year where things were just falling into place. I was recovering from being deathly ill, i was baking everyday and i had all the time in the world to navel gaze.

i find myself fighting my own contemplative nature these days simply because i feel like there are better things to do than analyze where i am, where i came from and where i’m going.  the minute i stopped making myself crazy over what i’m currently doing i started trying to plan out the rest of this year, massage school, weekend baking courses, yoga retreats & intensives. i researched and entertained a lot of ideas last week ready and excited to think about what’s in store if i apply and move forward with things i’ve wanted to do.

and then i stopped and decided to just enjoy my weekend. with the excitement also came some trepidation.  what if i don’t get to do it all?

i said fuck it and just went on with the days lounging with the dr, lounging with friends and playing zombies on the ipad while the dr. wasn’t looking.

my copy of The China Study arrived today and i don’t know if it’ll depress me, teach me something new, inspire me to make better decisions or all of the above.  i’m banking on all of the above.

now back to figuring out how to make yoga class and grocery shopping happen in one night without ending up making dinner at 10:30pm.  this is the greatest challenge i find myself facing week after week.  it could be worse so i’m definitely not going to complain.