old friends are the best kind because they know you’ll get a kick out of sending you books like this one.

i haven’t had time to flip through the books i’ve gotten yet but i can’t wait to get some down time to curl up in the poof
chair and do some reading. i’ve started reading “A Practical Wedding” which was a great suggestion from kelly suzanne who is also engaged and planning a wedding. it really does keep things in focus.

i’ve always felt like i’ve been good with keeping in mind what i want for getting married but the moment someone puts eight million options and scenarios in front of me i start to lose track of what that is.

the dr. and i made a list of who we would invite if we were living on top of money mountain and our list ended up with around 180 people. we then made a second list of our absolute musts, people we would regret not being there and combined we came up with 66 people (which includes the boyfriends/girlfriends or spouses). that made everything much easier to digest. i’ve started a list of possible venues and after having lunch with alison this week i feel better knowing that the best place to start is to think about the things that are non-negotiable, the things that are musts and things seem fall into place after that. invitations, flowers, decor details…all of that is secondary. she also reminded me to not forget to have fun and that really, the sky’s the limit on the fun things you can have at your wedding.

that said, she mentioned she had looked up petting zoo’s while she planned her wedding last year.

“Oh my god,” I said. I couldn’t help myself. “If i could get a wedding picture holding a baby goat i could die happy.”

It’s the little things. Literally. Baby animals galore.

I’ve somehow tricked Jeff into watching old seasons of Survivor with me. My secret shame is now becoming our shared not-so-secret shame. Last night we got to the ‘letters from home’ episode of All Stars and while watching all the contestants read their letters and break down in tears Jeff looked at me and said:

“If I got a letter from you on the island I’d cry.”

And it dawned on me that we’re going to become family and I felt my throat get tight and my eyes started to water.

My entire life i’ve always found family in friendships and in people outside of my blood relatives. I’ve depended on them more than I have my real family at times. I don’t know what makes this union feel so different than all the unspoken agreements I have with my group of friends that I would do absolutely anything for. Maybe it’s how official it all feels. How validating it is that there is someone in my everyday life who has seen me at my worst and is still like, “yeah, you’re still the one for me and here’s the ring to prove it.”

when he asked me to marry him i’ll admit so much of what he said went in one ear and out the other because the moment he got down on his knees my brain went into freak-out mode but the one thing that stuck out was, “We have such a good thing. I’m so lucky. I want you to know I’m not going anywhere.”

in my brain i’ve always boiled it all down to a marriage certificate being just a piece of paper and it doesn’t mean much. but through the years that piece of paper has changed, as my gay friends fight for their right for this piece of paper and as i’ve grown to see that piece of paper as a tangible promise.

i’m letting go of this weird aggressive hatred i’ve had lately for the girly girl in me. i’ve made pinterest boards and then instantly hated myself for making them. i’ve been over the moon over getting a custom engagement and wedding band made for me then feeling embarrassed about how superficial I sound. I need to get over that or i’m never going to enjoy being a bride.


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August 2013
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