10 weeks!

10 weeks!

it’s odd that it’s been that long since my surgery and i had no real idea that i’d be back in the gym and running so soon. i am not complaining.

thank god for long weekends. i think i have long weekends for almost every week this month due to my bday and a trip to wisconsin to see the family and meet my sister’s new little peanut (emmett!).
i made my way to the gym this morning and did my interval runs for 35 minutes and then did some strength training which i’m usually pretty bad at doing. i worked on my lunges and while i only did 3 reps of 5 i spent a lot of time on form and trying to figure out what muscles are weak and refuse to cooperate. i have such a hard time getting in and out of a lunge without something screaming bloody murder at me. all the slow lunging brought my heart rate down so i followed that with some burpees and modified push ups until i was breathing hard and then finished up with abs. i downloaded a new app called YAYOG (You are Your Own Gym) which has strength training routines which don’t require any special equipment but as I started level 1 i realized that some of the exercises did involve using chairs or tables or towels, none of which i had on me. and i WAS in a gym so…wtf, i decided these were workouts for home.

usually, the last thing i want to do is try on clothes after a workout but i needed to find a swim suit for my work retreat. i have my speedo suit that i used to wear to go swimming at the gym but i wanted something less industrial and my old fun swimsuit would need to be retired. i tried it on last weekend and the boob area was ridiculous. i could wear it if i stuffed socks into it.

i found myself in target with an armload of swim tops (i have an old pair of basic black swim bottoms) in the dressing room prepared for disappointment.

i walked out unable to chose between three swim tanks and a bikini. i struggled and contemplated getting all of them but ended up putting one halter top back because it showed a significant amount of my surgery scars and it made me feel self conscious.photo (24)

it dawned on me on the way home that it was my scars and not my body or my belly that made me self conscious. insanity. that’s not how swimsuit shopping works. i’ve spent most of my life living in fear of someone in the dressing room hear me ripping seams as i tried on suits that couldn’t contain my mass. i would usually end up walking out handing all of it to the fitting room attendant sadly admitting defeat.

this was a whole different experience. i also walked out with a $2 bikini top that looked like a pre-pubescent 13 year old girl could wear. i’m still baffled that it covers my boobs and there isn’t any steel wiring keeping it attached to my body.

i felt a little giddy as i went through my stash at a table in the metreon food court eating a salad that i didn’t really want but ate anyway because of limited food options outside of salad for a vegetarian who has sworn off the grains for the time being.

oh, and have i mentioned i went braless all day yesterday? it was sorta glorious, i can’t lie.

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