thoughts on running and motivation (and of course, boobs)

thoughts on running and motivation (and of course, boobs)

i realized a long time ago that i’m a rewards based person. i am also motivated by fear but that’s an entirely different blog post that could take days to write. the calendar stickers help motivate myself to get to the gym or yoga because i like seeing some sort of stamp of accomplishment and while the scale may not change or i feel lazy and and self loathing i can open my planner and see actual proof that i am not as lazy as i think i am. i have physical proof that i do not spend all my free time feeding myself thai food and hibernating under the covers with the tiny internet (read:iphone).

i’ve been opting for runs at the gym over yoga this month and it has its benefits and its drawbacks.

i feel like my runs are getting better. i’m not completely loathing it and my stamina is improving. just seeing that kind of progress really motivates me to keep it up even though i’ve been feeling pretty bad about not kicking as much ass as i did in october. i need to remember that not every month can be a bikram 30 day challenge month and cut myself some slack. yesterday i was feeling pretty bad about only making it to one run this week but after i looked at the calendar i remembered i also did make it to a 2 hour yoga class this week so all my friday blubberings to myself about being a lazy good for nothing sadsack for not squeezing in a lunch time run was for nothing.

i am my own worst enemy.

the lack of yoga though, especially bikram, naturally the tighter my muscles are. in analyzing what hurts the most during and after runs my quads, hips, shins and ankles hurt. (wow, did i just list about every muscle group in the lower body? i guess everything hurts then.) i still go down stairs leaning on the railing, especially first thing in the morning when my ankles feel like they’re made out of glass.

none of that sounds good. i know.

while i don’t care what the scale says most days i know that if i was less top heavy the less stress there would be in my lower body and running wouldn’t feel so torturous.

that said, i’m thinking of moving my surgery up to May.

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