30 day bikram challenge, days 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20…yeah, i know i’m behind

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despite my want to blog right after a class so i can remember how it went life has prevented me from doing so and instead of getting my hotpants into a twist about it i’ve decided to just roll with it. that seems to be the theme of this past week as i fell behind on more classes than i had wanted to. i knew i’d be missing wednesday class as the dr. and i drove down to the central coast to help move his mother up to the bay area. i dutifully made it through a drippy monday evening class with julia who really is my favorite teacher at my studio and got up tuesday morning for a 6:15AM class before we took off on our road trip. the packing and the move was stressful beyond belief. the dr. and i would look at each other blankly wondering what to do since there was so much left to do and we only had several hours to do a months worth of work. we slogged through it though and wednesday morning i put my head down and packed like there was no tomorrow. the movers were coming and there was no time to freak out or panic so i just grabbed whatever i could and packed and packed and wrapped and boxed and packed until we needed to get on the road to make it home in time to beat rush hour traffic. i ate four cinnamon raisin bagels right out of the bag and an inordinate amount of popcorn that day. there was no time to eat or get food. we made it there, we got her settled and we managed to muster up our last reserves of energy to grab dinner at our favorite vegan japanese restaurant.

EAT ALL THE THINGS!

it was odd as we looked at each other and both said that the move was one of the most stressful things we had ever done and yet we managed without any major breakdowns or shutdowns or blow ups. despite some low sugar moments, all in all, we survived.

thursday hit me like a ton of bricks. ugh. getting up to go to work was like the most awful chore, like someone told me i had to wake up and clean public park toilets. i dragged ass all day and though i had signed up to go to class thursday evening i completely crapped out at 4PM and decided to skip it and just do a double to make up for it.

i went to bed at an insanely early hour and felt decent when the alarm went off at 5:30AM to go to Juicy’s 6:15AM class. the weekday morning classes are so nice and calm. i don’t know what i’ve been doing going to these insane afterwork classes that are packed to the gills and hotter and drippier than i like.

i woke up and made it to julia’s saturday 8:15AM class and contemplated staying for Matthew’s 10AM to make up for one of my missed days but my body told me that wouldn’t be wise so i decided not to stay and did my double today. i made it through both of Sarah’s classes this morning and felt like i could run a marathon after my 3 hours in the hotbox. the energy was so…strange? i guess after a week of feeling like i’ve been running on empty it was nice to feel revitalized. the dr. even noted that i looked a lot better and less tired than when i’ve done one class. i’ve got one more double to do which i think i’ll save for saturday or sunday. so strange to think of how fast this challenge is flying by. 10 more classes left. you’re kidding me, right? didn’t i just start? why am i not a lithe, svlete, zen yogatard yet? why am i still struggling in awkward pose? why do i still want to stab someone when the teacher tells me ‘TOES UP. MORE UP. KNEES UP. TOES UP’ ? why am i still the same person?

but the thing is…i’m not the same person.

listening to the bikram dialogue every single day (it’s ingrained in my brain at this point) i’ve noticed all the teachers say, “Do it. Because you can.” those days when i don’t FEEL like putting in effort or reaching for my foot or kicking back or whatever it is i find myself doing it anyway…because i can and if i can’t, it’s ok to sit down and take a breather. with someone drilling this into my brain on a daily basis i’m realizing i’m pushing through rough moments, stressful times and tough days in the same way. i don’t want to do this menial task, i can’t do this, it’s too hard, i don’t feel good, it’s never going to work. blah, blah, blah, all my brain excuses…i end up doing it though, because i can. the other shit doesn’t matter. my stomach pooch doesn’t matter. my idea of what kind of transformed ethereal yoga deity i would be after 30 days doesn’t matter. my poor grip and how far my head is from my knees in rabbit pose, that doesn’t matter either.

day 15: julia, 6:30PM
day 16: monika, 6:15AM
day 17: juicy, 6:15AM
day 18: julia, 8:15AM
day 19: sarah, 8:15AM
day 20: sarah, 10:00 AM  

realization: i’m still me, and that’s ok

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  • jet lag update: naps help. benadryl helps. christmas shopping on your phone at 2AM does not really help but it's fun. 3 days ago

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