all paths

Imagelife has been really pleasant.

which makes for boring writing.

the day in and day out of work, the on again, off again strangeness of this bay area weather (isn’t september our bikini month?) which has caused some havoc with my immune system and the constant debate i have over what to feed myself does not make for compelling story telling.

while the outside has been pretty much same-same-but-different i have been finding my internal dialog reflecting something akin to that feeling of when you’re approaching the top of a roller coaster.

there’s an odd giddy excitement brewing.

there are possibilities. i’m surrounded by opportunities. the power to do what i want to do with my life is in my own hands.
i have choices.

i think i often get bogged down with anxiety because i feel like i have no options, no choices. lots of these things arise because of money.

then i remember i’ve always managed to make it work and be happy whether i was making $8 an hour or making $65K a year.

actually, i think back to when i was making a lot of money i wasn’t very happy. i had a 2 hour commute and an awful job.

having lunch with a co-worker we discussed how odd it seemed that some of our happiest time periods were when things were the most uncertain.

when nothing is set in stone. when you’re not mired in the day to day tedium of office stuffs. when the world is full of possibilities.

i remember staying up until the wee hours of the morning writing and writing and waiting for dough to rise and more writing.

i miss those times but i also know that these days i can still have moments like that it just takes more diligence on my part to keep doing something that feeds my soul. the job can feed my physical body. reading books, writing, music, drawing, contemplating the world outside my own bubble of san francisco, these are the things that make life interesting, exciting and worthwhile.

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