wedding things and boobs

wedding things and boobs

things have actually been quite low key since coming back from yosemite. i’ve been making my way through the last 1/2 of the bwt program, planning for the future, closing out projects, working a lot, trying not to let little things get to me, back on the bikram and couch to 5k program and trying not to get too sucked into george r.r. martin’s series.

i let time slip by and before i knew it we were faced with gus and qq’s wedding without appropriate attire.
i did end up having something in the closet that fit the bill but did not quite fit the bust. i remember buying the dress online years ago and had only wore it once due to the fact i could only really survive 4 hours in a strapless bra. 5 is pushing it. (bruised ribs and breathing problems. it’s ugly.)

i don’t know why companies even try and make a 36G strapless bra. the technology to make it a painless experience does not exist yet.

we gussied up and made our way to the Haas-Lilienthal House for dinner and festivities. i loved how people were really invested in the 1930s theme and the atmosphere and the gorgeous house added to the ambiance.

i felt bad that i started to crap out relatively early though as it was getting harder to breath and i started to feel the crushing sensation of hour 3 in the strapless bra of my nightmares.

this brought the boobs to the forefront of my brain and how my motivation to have them reduced had dwindled as school picked up.

so i made an appointment for a consultation with a surgeon in august. she’s pretty popular and highly regarded so the earliest i could get in was august and to tell you the truth i was relieved it is so far in the future. money and surgery fear can be overwhelming. i’ve always put this plan on the back burner using money as an excuse. i can’t do it anymore though.

monday night’s pathology class i ended up talking to lucy and kalash about it and thought about how all the ways my breasts have torqued my spine, pulled my shoulders forward and down, causing my low back to work harder to keep myself upright (anterior pelvic tilt) and while it’s worked ok for me this far in my life, it’s going to start to get harder as i age and my bones start to degenerate.


so much to think about. being a planner does not help. i’m planning how to manage an aging body though i still get carded for alcohol.

that is, on the rare occasion i drink alcohol or buy it.  i’m now that person who stands in front of the case a t the corner store and thinks about getting a 40 and ends up reaching for a coconut water and is actually satisfied with this decision.  there is a part of me that still feels like i am possibly the lamest person in existence because i’d rather be in bed bra-less reading sci-fi and ordering indian food for the upteenth time on a friday night.  i don’t know why i care.  i don’t care a whole lot, it doesn’t freak me out to be this un-cool because i’ve always sorta been this un-cool but there are definitely moments when i’m sure that i must be defective because most bars make me uncomfortable ones.

and it’s not really the bars that make me uncomfortable.  it’s the people.

at some point in my life i used to have people skills.

i don’t know what happened to me and i don’t know if i somehow believe that once i lose the boobage i lose the social anxiety.

that makes no sense whatsoever.

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May 2012
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