it’s times like this

where i don’t like making decisions for myself.

gym or rest?  bikram or sleep?

i can’t tell what i need more.  i’m so tired. school and work, for the most part, I feel fine but then I randomly get hit with this overwhelming exhaustion.

and i don’t know if my body is telling me it needs to move (it does!) or if it needs to sleep (it needs this too!).

the rains have started and we’ve really needed them this relatively dry winter but the rain coupled with daylight savings and it being pitch black when i wake up in the morning again makes me want to hibernate.

i brought my bikram stuff to work but we’ll see if this happens.

it’s not even noon and i’m ready to fall over.

the dr. comes back next week.  he was supposed to come back today but he extended the trip since they were making so much progress in germany.  he’s been gone about 15 days. i realize i miss him the most at night.  i’ve gotten spoiled with him putting me to bed every night.  i fall asleep within minutes of him crawling into bed with me.  lately, i lay there and get caught up in tiny internet (damn you iphone!) and my own thoughts.

last night i came closer to figuring out what’s going on in my left side.  possible nerve entrapment in the lateral anterior portion of my left hip.  it felt electric and sensitive when marty put his forearm there.  in looking at my books i don’t know if it’s the femoral nerve but maybe just smaller branches?  this is an instance where i know bikram would help but i just can’t seem to muster up the energy to go.  i went back saturday and while i was all over the place in julia’s class i felt great for going.  then the soreness set in.  my hamstrings were sore all saturday night through last night.  for fear of overstretching my already open hamstrings i skipped class sunday.

and now this week is just jammed pack.  monday class, wednesday class, thursday sampson, friday dinner with the gals, tonight is my only free evening to go to bikram and i’m fighting it.

i’m pretty sure i need to not get all worked up about something as little as one yoga class.

still working on this patience thing.  it’s still rough going at times though i feel like i’m getting better.

so much of this work though leads to bad blogging, not great writing and lots of thinking. so i’ve been M.I.A.

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