almost

i feel almost normal despite the sniffles and the confused feeling of almost being able to smell and taste.

i felt chapped and applied some random lip stuff.  i keep a chapstick like product in my top drawer.  these things come in handy.  it must have been a freebie as it has yoga journal emblazoned on the side of the tube.

about five minutes ago i detected a mint scent.

omg.  is that my lip stuff?

DID I JUST ALMOST SMELL MY LIP STUFF?

i took a sip of my orange juice to see if maybe i could taste it and maybe this was the first step in being able to taste again.

i could ALMOST taste the soul of my juice.  everything i’ve been consuming lately has been vague notes of salt, sweet or bitter. food hasn’t tasted like food it’s tasted like flavored gruel.  it’s been depressing realizing one of my greatest joys in life has been taken away as i battle this never ending cold.

while this morning i got a hint of smell and a hint of taste i am still miserably impatient as i want to feel normal so i can jump start all these things i want to do with my free time that does not include laying in bed watching youtube videos on my tiny internet device trying to remember what chocolate tastes like.

i’ve changed my schedule with sampson so i’m only going every other week and i’m quite happy with it so far.  i’m glad i don’t have to go this week and that’s a sign.  it had started to feel laborious going every week.  i’ve been feeling like i’m doing my work and getting better at dealing with things and i’ve just been feeling like i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  i don’t think it’s either really.  it just is what it is.  my parasympathetic nervous system is doing its thing bringing me back to an even keel so stress has been kept at a manageable level.  while i’ve been feeling just all around gross, slovenly and unattractive lately i know that’s due to 14 days of being a snot ball and 3 days of womb havoc speaking.  i can identify the evil voice when it starts telling me i’m worthless and tell it to shut the fuck up, i’m busy and i’m way overdue for a haircut.

hair.

i sorta want to grow it out again or maybe i’m telling myself that so i don’t have to deal with getting it chopped and figuring out a style.

we’ll see.

i went to see tara, my NP, last week and discussed the breast reduction.  she thinks i only really need to lose 15 lbs.  this blew me away as i was sure i needed to lose twice that much.  i do have to make an appointment for a consultation with o.’s doctor but i feel like tara’s suggested weight loss # put things in perspective for me.  this makes it easier to continue thinking about health in terms of how i feel as opposed to how much i weigh.

it’s made me feel better about everything.

except this not being able to taste or breathe thing.  that still sucks.

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