over there

i’ve been MIA here because i’ve been busy talking about yoga and body issues over there.

and even more so i’ve been busy working and wondering why i can’t seem to balance work, exercise, school and having a life.

why does it all feel like all or nothing.  notice how having a life is at the end of my list?  i unconsciously put it there and it speaks so much to how things have been.  whatever down time i’ve had i’ve spent falling asleep on the couch.  i’ve been falling asleep everywhere lately.  monday morning started with my alarm going off and me turning it off and falling back asleep without any real thought which caused a chain of bad events.

being late to work (but not being late since i’m usually in the office by 7:30 so coming in at 8:30 is late- but not officially employee manual late)

not having time for breakfast

not having time for paperwork and working on other projects outside the main one at hand (restaurant opening!)

running around to SOMA for lightbulbs, back to restaurant, back to office, meetings, calls, meetings

5 minute soup break

hi, it’s 5PM and i there’s no way i can stay late as my fat ass has a date with bikram after overindulging on my bday.

the hot box was mad stupid hot and super crowded.  the 6:30 class always is.  people were dropping like flies.  it was going to be one of those classes.

some people that i see there everyday, the front row people, were leaving.  these people are hardcore. i watch them in awe in standing forehead to knee and they were leaving.  not just for a breather but picking up all their stuff and vacating the premises.

by the time we got to triangle i did one set and sat down.  then i proceeded to do one set of each pose and sit out the second so i wouldn’t pass out.  this then disintegrated to simply laying on my stomach from locust pose on.  i pushed on through to the end.  i have never walked out of a yoga class before and i was so close.  after suffering through  a painful cobra pose i laid on my stomach and felt the tears happen.

i couldn’t tell if they were tears of pain from the feeling of drowning that a bikram class gone awry can bring or if they were from a week’s worth of stress deciding it was time to deal with all the emotions i’ve been pushing back because i simply have not had the time to deal with them.

it’s easy enough to cry in bikram.  with the amount of sweat dripping down your face no one can tell.

when class finished i sat in the locker room for 5 minutes trying to feel normal.

i couldn’t.  i bought a juice and continued to sit in the lobby and slowly sip.

oh hai low blood sugar. yes, you had coffee and soup today.  oh and a banana.  this is probably why you feel broken.

i haven’t been this stressed out and dumb in a long time.

next week the dr. and i are getting on a train to Yachats, OR for a week for playing in the forest, hanging with friends, spending time with the baby and chickens and dogs and cats.  i’m going to bake bread, read books and take long baths.  i’m going to remember to eat during the day so i don’t die.

and i’m not answering my phone.

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1 Response to “over there”


  1. 1 Alicia July 26, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Love you. Enjoy the chickens and babies.


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