truth

i’m tired.

i don’t feel awful though.

i feel pretty good. i’m feeling super motivated and inspired.

i mean look!  i started drawing cankles and shit.

i’m wearing pants more often than not but that’s to be expected.  there is a possibility of snow friday or saturday as  a cold front sweeps over the bay area.  i know it’s lame that we moan over 40 degree weather but what do you want from us?  this isn’t new york!  we don’t have that kinda skin!  we’re delicate and become frail in the winter!

it rained all week last week and for the most part i loved it.  having a four day weekend i was glad to have time to lay about, eat pieces of conspicuous baked goods and nap.  the dr. has been amazing in helping me bring down the number of white carbs  i consume since my doctor has warned me the sugar was still high.  i will be the first to admit that with how crazy my schedule has been lately it’s really easy to make a bowl of pasta and call it a night.  at the end of the day there’s such a limited amount of brain power left that dinner is an afterthought. at least i had moved on from substituting a cliff bar for a meal but still…food is important.

i realized this monday as we made our way back to the mission after traipsing around the ‘loin and polk st.

after 8 hours on nothing but a coffee and one ryvita cracker with hummus my body went into  meltdown mode.

the stress of needing to get to class early (just because that’s how i am) didn’t help any.

the dr. convinced me that we had time to go to birite and upon the suggestion of getting a juice i opened a columbia gorge green drink and finished the bottle in record time.

i started to feel better even before we left the store.

shelby, drink your juice.

we got home and i started changing into comfy clothes for class and before i could even get pants on i sat down on the bed and face planted into the comforter sheepish and tired and still a bit stressed out about it all.

i wanted to chastise my body for not just consuming it’s own stored fat cells that are hanging around waiting for moments like this to be burned.  there’s so much about the body and its systems that i only understand on a very basic level.  i want to know more.  i want to learn the whys and hows.

classes so far have not felt 3 hours long.  the hands on portion towards the end of classes is really what makes the time fly by.  it’s finally hitting me how intimate this kind of thing is.  i’ve never really thought about it when i’ve gone somewhere to get a massage.  i take off my clothes and get under the sheet without a thought in the world about how vulnerable of a position i’ve put myself in.  the amount of trust is great.

last night’s energy class with dr. eric rubin really brought some stuff home so much of it resonating with me from my yoga practice.  as it is with these healing modalities so it is with everything.  intention is everything.  it can be felt.  you don’t have to say or do anything.  all you have to do is think it and it’s  present, it’s  palpable and even though it’s invisible, you feel it and notice it.  it’s not always gross matter and in your face.  those subtle things speak volumes than a person opening their mouth and announcing “I’M MISERABLE” or “I’M HAPPY” or “I’M BORED”. i mean, how many times have you met up with a friend and you can instantly feel how they’re feeling before they tell you?

along those lines, i’m sure it’s obvious in the office this morning that i’m tried.  really looking forward to yoga tonight.  i’m finding that shifting from going to yoga everyday to just 3-4 times a week that i miss it and the benefits of having that time on the mat.  not to mention my biceps are shrinking.

what?  i’m not allowed to want big guns?

a girl’s gotta have goals, right?

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