the littlest drag queen

 kerplop.

i’ve been running around the house pantless and sorta burying myself in routine.  work, gym, sleep.  last night it went work, gym, wander the castro, show with jason, whiskey, beer,  walk home, find uneaten peasant pie in purse, eat it in bed, sleep.

i giggled as i logged food diary stuff (STFU I KNOW, TOTALLY LAME!) and listed jameson and hefeweizen as midnight snacks and wondered if swaying to california 70s folk rock can count as additional cardio. 

i admonished myself for being the type of person who contemplated calorie intake and burn but then again forgave myself because that didn’t stop me from having a beer, a whiskey, a cliff bar and a lentil peasant pie for dinner.  fuggit.

my shoulders and armpits are still on fire from two days of weights and pool time.  my stamina in the pool is frighteningly bad these past two weeks.  ever since stellar Friday 9/3 when i managed a 1/2 mile, i’ve been falling behind and not necessarily getting any better or building up stamina.  this week i blame it on the roller coaster that is the mystical vagina.  i hate you. i hate you. i hate you.

at least this month it’s been more lethargic and less psychologically damaging.  as i wandered market street last night in the cold i felt some random melancholy wanting to creep into my brain.  oh, look it’s cold out and we’re probably not going to have a summer this year.  oh, look, the gays are all in their bars in their underwear having a good old time and you can’t join them.  oh, look books inc. doesn’t have tim gunn’s new book. boo hoo.  you’re walking the city alone.   i did such an awful job of finding things to be sad about but my brain tried anyways.  it wasn’t until i grabbed coffee at Peet’s and stood outside with the wind whipping my hair around did the hormonal brain stop taunting me.  it felt like fall and it felt good.  cable knit tights.  hot beverages. scarves and hoodies.  things that remind me of the east coast.

ran into ben waiting outside Cafe Du Nord and he hugged me and picked me up.  there is usually a great fear when someone unexpectedly takes on all of my body weight.  i remember telling ben a couple of times not to do that because I’m heavy.  this does not stop him and i’ve stopped worrying about if he’ll throw his back out.  he’s in town to hand down his Miss Golden Gate Crown to the new winner.  ben is 6’4″.  all the drag queens i’ve met or seen have been giants.  this makes me want to make a reality show called ‘The Littlest Drag Queen’.  There must be me-sized drag queens out there somewhere…right? 

my drag thoughts were ceased though when jason came rolling up late and we went inside just in time for the chapin sisters to start.

white girls + long hair + vintage long dresses + from Los Angeles + tambourines = a surprisingly good show.

i give it extra points for the song with the accordion.

i fucking love the accordion.

i walked home through the fog without my headphones on.  i’ve been wary of walking around at night with my white shiny headphone cords screaming to the world I have a $300+ device in my pocket.  i didn’t need it though.  the world was quiet as i made my way up sanchez to steiner to haight st. 

i was sweaty by the time i got home.

when i found the unopened peasant pie in my purse i thanked myself for being smart enough to purchase an aftershow snack and forget about it so when i found it would be doubly exciting.

i like the small things i do for myself.  

i like me.

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