5%

it felt like tiny bubbles breaking on the surface of my skin. tingles and small little shivers.

david used to write me little notes at work that reminded me that a lot of life is bullshit and the important stuff was really only 5% of your day. the small things were the things that were the most important and none of those things were ever really work related. there were scribbles of it on the edges of my scrap paper, on the corners of my notebook.

it’s been a struggle. my need to pull away from identifying with my job is great. this isn’t who i am. i’m moving away from it in steps and each movement back feels a bit more relieving and i’m feeling more like my authentic self. there are moments though where i want to open the door behind me and step off of my balcony and right into traffic. preferably in front of a cable car. it’s the easiest way out.

bobby posted a picture of his new tattoo today and i don’t know why i started to cry. it took me a second to figure out that it was david’s scrawl, his handwriting, those same little notes he used to pass me in the box office.

we can always begin again.

that small 5% is so saturated in these big ticket emotions, these overwhelming feelings, whether they’re sadness or happiness or fear. it doesn’t matter. all that matters is this.

i miss david.

i miss spending my 95% bullshit days with people who remind me that the 5% makes all the difference in the world.

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