round

i’ve really sorta stopped caring about being skinny and started working on being healthy and it has made all the difference.

there are times where the belly gets in the way. there are yoga poses that make me angry and there are times where gravity is not my friend.  i will always get the boobs wet when i do dishes and there are times where i’ve felt like i’ve nearly set myself on fire (corduroy pants + pudgy thighs = “what’s that burning sensation?”).  i’ve stopped wearing corduroy 10 years ago.

i still fight with myself.  i still want to be over 5 feet tall.  i still wished i didn’t have an upper belly (the lower belly is cute, the upper belly is obnoxious).  i still can’t wear button down shirts without giving an unintentional peep show but i’ll live.

there are times when it feels frustrating that the chub is hanging on for dear life.  i swim for an hour 3-4 times a week.  i go to yoga 2-3 times a week.  i’ll admit i haven’t been doing any real cardio or weights as swimming has taken up most of my time but my weight seems to hover around the same numbers and all the websites tell me that my bmi makes me obese but to tell you the truth, i don’t really feel like i am.

i’m not going to give up bread, pasta, beer or the occasional ice cream sandwich.  i’m not going to resign myself to a life of edible bracken.  but i will eat my weight in veggies and whole grains and things i like.  going vegan last year did flip some sort of switch that made me want these things.  it’s a rare occasion where i wished i had a bag of breaded fried things. and when i do want ’em it’s a goddamn tempura party all up in here.

the new swimsuit came in and i was scared it was going to look awful on me.  i bought it despite that fear because i’ve stopped letting stupid thoughts prevent me from actually getting the things that i want. i got home and put it on and was almost instantly satisfied…WHICH NEVER EVER HAPPENS.  the belly is there.  the boobs are there but thanks to high-tech  under wire swimsuit magic they are not all over the place. i did a couple of jumping jacks and everything felt pretty good.

i will never be skinny but i’m ok with that and it feels good to say it.

i’m getting up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to swim some laps in this thing and nothing can stop me.

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4 Responses to “round”


  1. 2 Rory May 11, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    I love you and this looks so good on you…. So proud of you

  2. 3 Shannon May 15, 2010 at 3:01 am

    I think you look great, and you have a wonderful talent for writing. I stumbled to your new blog after seeing your “old” blog on the next blog function. <>

    Anyway –

    I really love your writing – keep it up! Shannon

  3. 4 jen` May 17, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    thanks for the commnt and i’m glad that you found my blog. 🙂


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