Day 3, In Which I Use the Word ‘Behoove’

After three loads of laundry, followed by sweeping my room, making my bed, rearranging the clothes in my drawers and reading several travel essays I finally started writing.

Writing about someone else feels odd. I don’t remember the last time I had written fiction. It felt awkward and forced. I felt like what I was writing would read badly but instead of going back trying to fix it, I kept going. Whatever. I can fix it later, just keep going.

When I looked up, it was midnight. I was still in gym clothes and sneakers. Blinky was passed out on the kitchen table to the left of me. Once I got going, I couldn’t stop and once I stopped thinking too much about it, it became easier and I started to remember what it was like when I was a kid scribbling stories, writing G.I. Joe episodes drinking Lil’ Hugs with ‘Revolver’ on the record player. It was either ‘Revolver’ or Irene Cara, which proves that there was always something preventing me from being cool.

Last week in San Luis Obispo, I remember laying sprawled out like little kids on the gigantic king size bed explaining to Jeff how I feel like I didn’t have enough accidents when I was a kid. I felt like I should have had more head injuries. Maybe a couple of more scraped knees and I wouldn’t be so frightened of hurting myself these days. I wouldn’t be white knuckling it while he teaches me how to ride a bike. I wouldn’t have to sit on my ass and slide down a tiny incline because I don’t trust myself. Instead of running around, causing havoc and causing myself bodily harm I spent my time indoors in my own head, watching soap operas and making up stories. Figuring no one would ever read any of it, I wrote with abandon. I’d carry several marble composition notebooks with me, all of them filled with my (then)frilly girl cursive. I spent a lot of time alone when I was a kid. I was comfortable when I was by myself. I wrote. A lot.

I have forgotten how to write with abandon these past few years. I’m glad that it seems to be coming back to me.

Despite passing out around 2AM I woke up this morning and made it to yoga, came home and sent out a couple of more resumes. It’s becoming rote behavior. I used the work “behoove” in a cover letter and didn’t blink an eye. I also found myself describing my box office experience at the HOB as more than “Rock Stars and All-You-Can-Eat-Fried Chicken”. If I’m penalized for being too comfortable in a cover letter, oh well.

Tonight? More writing but I need to step away from the computer before my eyes bleed.

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